SLIDER

Showing posts with label 50 Shades Of Stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 50 Shades Of Stupid. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

This Actually Happened...To Me!

You know that girl who split her pants? At Disney World? This week?
Sure you do...
And this is not a metaphor for something deeper.
Nor is it a tiny split. This is the real deal, people.


What the heck? Right? They were like the baggiest pair of shorts I've worn in years.
I'm in Florida today. At Disney World. 
Monday, I'm sitting down on a curb, while holding my sleeping daughter and I felt it happen.
Granted the angle at which the lower half of my body made its way down probably wasn't
my cutest move ever. But there was no need for complete humiliation. No, not like this.
Nevertheless, it happened. To me. I'm pretty sure it was Gods way of telling me to start my 
50 Shades of Stupid series again.
 Luckily it was beautiful out and I was able to use my sweatshirt to 
tie around my waist and cover it up. And luckily it happened right before we left the park.

Meh whatevs. I got myself a new skirt out of it.
And now we can call Monday... a success.


Monday, December 10, 2012

I Gave Myself A Black Eye: 50 Shades Of Stupid 6


Yes, it's true. I did this to myself.
But at least I got a sassy picture out of it in a dirty mirror.
This happened summer of 2011. I was at church. Yep.
And my brother at that time was the official "cleaner" of said church.
But he was on the road with his band, so my mom asked me if I wanted to
take on the responsibility for a few weeks and I did.
So I'm vacuuming. Who would think that you could give yourself a black eye
while vacuuming a church? 
According to the Fire Department there are certain double doors that are to 
remain open at all times, and certain one that are to remained closed at all times. 
Ahhhh, the technical side of the ministry.
So what happened was, on the back of one set of doors there was a metal chain 
with a magnet attached to the end of it. The magnet was about he size of a hockey puck.
The chain linked the door to the wall, so that people would not close the door,
thank you Mr. Fireman.
Yes, there is a sign. But I'm the Pastors daughter, I don't pay attention to signs.
Psssshhhh...

So, I'm working hard...um...for the Lord, vacuuming and naturally, I want to clean thoroughly,
even behind the doors, the ones with magnets and chains attached.
Despite the sign (because I wasn't paying attention), I yanked on the door and the 
2 foot chain with the hockey puck sized magnet whipped around the door and wacked me
right above my eye. Blood gushing, I ran upstairs and by the time I got up there
I had a giant lump already.
Needless to say within the day, I had one very purple eye.
Lucky for me I wear purple shadow and nobody even noticed once the lump went down.
So that wasn't so much embarrassing as it was just stupidity on my part...
Has anyone else every seriously injured themselves due to negligence?


50 Shades: HOLIDAY EDITION
 And here is a little Holiday Stupidity for ya...
So at my church, I volunteer a lot of time making flyers, web banners, hanging banners...
all that kind of stuff.
The thing is that I do that all at home on my computer, which of course I also do my blogging.
And if you are anything like me, you know that you need "QUIET" to concentrate.
If my kids are talking to me, crawling up my back, asking me for food, etc while I am
trying to get computer work done, I simply quit. It doesn't work well for me.
I need peace in order to concentrate.
Unfortunately a lot of times when I am asked to make something and send it out to be printed,
it is sort of on the rush, therefore kids crawling or not, it has to be done by tonight.
So this past monday, I made up some tickets for our Christmas Program at church,
sent them out to have 1000 printed, got a call from the printing company saying the dpi was
too low, so I fixed them, double checked the back of the ticket with all the info on it
to make sure everything was correct and sent it back to them again!
Yep, looks good! I just missed one MAJOR thing...
Can you find the mistake?
The really dumb thing is that the basic jist of this ticket has been up on our church website for
a few weeks and neither I nor anyone else caught the screw up, of course until after I
had 1000 of these babys printed out and sent to us.
You have no idea how stupid I felt. Especially when the mistake was noticed by our church secretary the night before, so they decided NOT to hand the tickets out, then at the last minute before service ended, my sister got up and said to the congregation as she looked on ONE side of the ticket "I guess they thought there was a mistake, but there isn't any mistake, so lets hand out those tickets to people."
Of course I ran up to the front,and was like "YES, there IS a mistake! LOOK!!!"
Needless to say, they handed them out anyways, as Christmas is approaching quickly!
After the service a friend came up to me and was like "They should always check with you before
they print anything out."
Um...yeah, except when it's me who made them and had them printed out!
You are welcome, city of Milwaukee.

Weird that both of my stories are "church" stories today.... hmmmmm...

Welcome to 50 SHADES OF STUPID!
The Brand New Link Up where we tell on all the stupid things we do and say!

Now, it's YOUR turn, Grab a button, tell me something dumb you did last week,
last month, last year, 14 years ago...or maybe something you do regularly!
I am ready to get my giggle on. You know, the giggle you get when you are alone.
At your computer. Smiling like a monkey. That giggle.
Grab a button, link up, follow me and my two co-hosts  this week, 

Amazing Giveaway for Christmas Right Here!

A beautiful friend I want you to know!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

50 Shades Of Stupid



Even know I am going crazy right now, my kids have been driving me bonkers 
all day long. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna write about the stupid things I do.
Did I just say "even know" and not "even though"....
Ohhhh, you thought that was a typo didn't you?
Oh no no no... that's how I say it.
Please do not even tell me YOU never say anything stupid.

Welcome to 50 SHADES OF STUPID!
The Brand New Link Up where we tell on all the stupid things we do and say!
Now, it's YOUR turn, Grab a button, tell me something dumb you did last week,
last month, last year, 14 years ago...or maybe something you do regularly!
I am ready to get my giggle on. You know, the giggle you get when you are alone.
At your computer. Smiling like a monkey. That giggle.
Grab a button, link up, follow me and my co-host  this week, 
which is L from ALL GLORIOUS WITHIN and make us laugh!

Here's a few more of mine!

THIS ONE I didn't even realize until a week ago when I was babysitting.
My daughter and her two friends were playing wedding.
One of the little girls starts singing "Here comes the bride."
In my head I was singing along with it and I sang "All dressed and wide..."
Meanwhile she sang, "all dressed in white..."
ohhhhhh... is that how it goes? I always wondered why we would sing
about the bride being 'dressed and wide.' 


Here's a facebook status of mine. From a few weeks ago.
That awkward moment when you're a pedestrian approaching a corner the same time as 
2 vans full of firefighters and they wait for you to cross the street. But instead of crossing, 
you look down and pretend you were turning the corner, going down the street they are on...  
Until they are out of view, and then you cross the street & say to your dog 
"let's go this way instead" just in case the firefighters that are now a block away saw you
they might be able to 'hear you' and they would know that you simply 
"changed your mind." Yeah, that.
It's true. I actually did that. What?

I got far more embarrassed in jr high and high school than I do now. 
 Now I am willing to admit what a dweeb I am. Then it wasn't so funny. Like that time 
the teacher asked me to read a 'math problem' out loud and I did and it said something like 
Sam had 16 lbs of sugar, etc. Only I didn't know lbs stood for pounds. 
So instead of saying 16 lbs, I said 16 labels.  I heard kids snickering, and I was like  
"What? 16 labeled." It's labeled 16. I mean, 16 with a label. You know..." 
Yeah, I made it worse. Shoulda just left it at 16 labels and been done with it.

What STUPID things have YOU done?
link up, follow my co-host and I, and grab your button! 
And if you'd like to co-host some week, shoot me an email!!
I'd love to have you!

50shades



 
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