SLIDER

Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Monday, March 10, 2014

Beyond Newlyweds & Toddler Tantrums


Yesterday as I was talking to a couple of friends at church, a mother and her adult daughter, we began a discussion of our children and some heavy issues that have risen as our children have grown older. I mean serious stuff that you only think of affecting teenagers or adults, yet these issues seemed to have made their way into our children's lives~our children who were just preschoolers a few years ago.  Discussing these, we brought up our fears over whether these things would make their way into their lives as teenagers and adults. Fears that I don't even want to discuss generally, because I don't like to give fear and worry a place to grow and develop into something more than just fear. Yet, we take these issues seriously because these are after all, our children.

Honestly, there was a small part of me that was thankful that I wasn't completely alone. It's far easier to talk to someone with children that are older, when you  have older children. And I remembered back when our church had a panel of women speak that had grown children offering wisdom and helpful advice to those of us that were in the beginning stages of motherhood. At that time, I only had Wesley and he was just a little guy....maybe 2 years old.

Since then, all kinds of things have come up. Things that I never imagined. And alot of times, feeling helpless, I take my questions or concerns to facebook. I have alot of friends on there with teenager or college age children...and sometimes you just need the encouragement from someone who has been in your shoes. And other times we are able to offer advice and encouragement to someone because we have been in their shoes.

We are always able to pray and listen to others. But sound wisdom and advice that can be respected can really only come from someone who has been where you are standing.

When I first started blogging, I had another blogger ask me to write a piece for her blog on marriage. Because I had been married for 16 years at that point (now going on 18 years) and she felt that I may have a thing or two to offer much of the blogging world, seeing that the majority are younger than I and have been married far less years than I. It was true, I did. And I had a lot of people email me after writing that piece. I shared it several times on different blogs, and those people shared it with others...
And though I have made it through 18 years, I still don't believe I know everything. Nor do I always follow my own advice.

While I respect and read many blogs and listen to many speakers and the knowledge and wisdom they have gained about marriage, children, ministry or life's issues in general... it's when someone has walked ahead of me that I feel I can truly seek something out that I may need to hear. I always feel myself smirk when someone who has been married a year or two gives me marital advice. That doesn't mean I don't take their relationship advice to heart...and to the Lord. Because I do. I'm always looking for opportunity to learn. But my initial reaction is generally "I hope your advice works just as well for you in 15 years."

I cherish the prayers of all I have gone to for prayer. But I also cherish the advice and wisdom who have counsel to offer, because they know what I am still trying to figure out.  
That stage of their life has passed.

And that goes for myself too. I never try to offer advice or even relate to something I don't really understand yet. I have another friend that has grown children that has had some struggles & fears recently. And I can't begin to even fathom what she is going through because my children are still fairly young. I offer her prayer and scripture and encouragement and it's genuine, but I can't begin to help or offer 'advice' in areas I have no experience in.
And believe me, I too, want the good healthy wisdom of those who have had teenagers, because I see those years approaching quicker than I realize. I see the attitudes, the more serious issues try to sneak their way in...and I want to know. How do I deal with this? 


 I've been in tears more than once this past month, completely clueless how to approach certain things. Things that feel bigger than toddler tantrums or sippy cups.
When my ten year old comes home telling me how lonely he is or crying that he is depressed, that sounds big to me. It sounds unheard of. It sounds almost ridiculous. Yet it happens. And it's happened to me. 
And I have felt alone trying to figure this out. Trying to be the momma God called me to be. 
To the children that God gave me. I know God knows I can do it. 
So that must mean I can do it.
But sometimes we just need a little guidance from someone who has been there. 

It prompted me to ask this question on twitter a little while ago "How many momma bloggers out there have children over the age of 10?" So far, I haven't gotten one reply. I know a handful of bloggers that do, and that have had similar struggles and I am very thankful I am not alone. But from the blogs I have come across mostly, the women are young mothers of young children.  

Not that I am OLD...and I am obviously pregnant again AND I have a preschooler, so I can easily relate to this 'early childhood' stage of life, because not only am I still living it, but have been through it a few times already.

But there is a world of difference between having a baby, a toddler and a preschooler...
than having a preschooler, an older child and a child approaching teen years.
And I'm sure that goes for having a preteen, a teen and a college kid.
And those seasons creep up quicker than you know.

I just wonder who could benefit from older women, and by older I don't mean OLD old. I just mean women who have been there, who are a few steps of head. Women that can not only relate right here and right now because they are in a similar stage as you, women that are friends... but women that have been through it and can offer truth and encouragement.

Am I totally alone on wanting wisdom from someone wiser? Maybe I do have some advice to offer, because I do have older children and have been married longer.
Yet I still need it from someone else...

I thought about over the weekend during my discussion with my two friends, about throwing a panel together at our church for all the mothers of children not yet in their teen years BY the mothers that have been through the whole 18 years of life with children already.

But I'm wondering about this online world as well. One website I love is Thrive Moms. I go to it often and I get alot from it, and not only that but I have actually went to these wonderful ladies for prayer.
But I'm quite sure all these wonderful gals are younger than I...
and sometimes it makes me sad that I have nowhere to go to seek prayer and advice from ladies who are in my season or who have passed my season. While I see breastfeeding and sippy cups and toddler tantrums in my near future. I also see two teenagers in my future just as quickly.

I don't exactly know what I can do about it right now. But I feel a tug on my heart to do something or be a part of something. Because I know what I need. I cherish the encouragement from the wisdom of others. I imagine other mothers or wives need it too.

If you have any thoughts, or let me know. I'd love to hear it.

Proverbs 15:22
Without counsel, plans fail, but with many advisers, they succeed.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

17 Years of Marriage


This week, Jeff and I celebrate 17 years of marriage. That means I got married when I was twelve.
Hehe. There are some things that just don't go without saying and my gratitude for this man as of late is beyond enormous. If you are facebook friends with me, you may have read that I have not been feeling well the last few months. I've been absent from the online world and certainly anti-social. Several physical issues combined have left me exhausted, both physically and emotionally and in pain and weary and somewhat frightened at times.  Jeff has certainly pulled double parent and grown up duty in our house lately. Not to mention he sat and hugged me in between his responsibilities for about 20 minutes last Saturday as I sobbed and sobbed. He didn't try to fix anything. He was just there for me.
My general status the last couple months has been laying on the sofa or in my bed, with no makeup and sweats watching him run the kids everywhere, pick them up, make lunches, do laundry, make dinners, do dishes...meanwhile work his own job. Today, I felt like crying as I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "The least I could do is put on some makeup and look pretty for him." So I did.
I am forever in debt to my husband for his uncompromising commitment to be there for me when I didn't deserve it and when I needed it most. Although I know marriage isn't about debt, but it's being a part of a team and unconditional love. Yes, he has definitely taken more than one for the team.

Just wanting to wish my hubby a Happy Anniversary this week.
And let you all know I am alive, not exactly kicking, but happy and alive.

I want to say a special thank you to Thrive Moms, Mackenzie, & Lena for your continued prayers and encouragement. It has meant and helped alot.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Blessed: Thankful for 16 Years of Marriage to My Best Friend


Ahhhh, yes the last of my thankful posts. And what do we have before us?
A t-shirt? She is thankful for a t-shirt on black friday? Well, yes, who doesn't love tshirts?
 But that is not what this post is about. It's about what is on the t-shirt.
Two bunnies in love.
Are you ready to gag?
Today is my 16 year anniversary to my husband, Jeff... Or Jeffy baby
as it says on my phone. Or Bunny, as I used to call him and he used to call me when we first got married.  Don't ask me how that happened. I don't remember.
Nor do I remember how it stopped.
But I saw this t-shirt online last week and I immediately thought of Jeff.
Do you know what we used to say? Instead of saying "I love you"
we would say "Bunnies Love." AUUUUGGGHH, I'm gagging right now typing it out.
But I swear I am going to get that t-shirt.



Jeff, I don't even really know where to begin with this. This public love letter to you.
First of all I want to say thank you for loving me, for taking care of me, for being there
for me, even when I didn't deserve it. You have always been so steady in being a rock
to me. That is the only way I know how to put it (and I know what you are thinking, weirdo.)
I'm serious.  Even if it affected you, hurt you,
you still tried so hard to be understanding and be there for me. You will never know
how much I love you for that and am thankful to you for standing by me and never
giving up on me. You exceed the lengths most people would do for someone they love,
but I believe it's because you truly know how to love.

You are my very best friend and I think about that a lot. How much we laugh together.
How much we annoy each other. How we know what the other is thinking.
How I can sit and bawl my eyes out to you about something for an hour and you sit and
listen to everything on my mind, and try to offer up your best encouragement or advice.
And how you give me massages...every-single-day. And good ones.
And how you try to plant your "words" in my mouth all the time. You know what I mean.
And I think a few of my friends do too ;) wink wink.
But even though you are so jr highish and predictable, I must love you for it,
because I still end up laughing every single time at your disgusting terminology.

Sometimes, it still weirds me out that we ended up together. You would think I would
get over it, but nope. Still kinda weird. But I am so thankful that God has given me
someone that is so compatible with me, makes me laugh non stop and acts so ugly that
it's cute. You have been my everything for 17 years now and today we celebrate 16 years of marriage.
I love you. Happy Anniversary.

Lord, you knew the man I needed to teach me how to love. You knew what I needed to 
make me smile, laugh, feel safe. And I thank you today, this week of Thanksgiving, and for the rest of my life for bringing Jeff to me to watch over me and love me. Today, I am blessed.


Link up all your thankful posts with Tico and Tina and myself all week long. 
Everyone who links up will be entered in a giveaway. We are giving away a $10 Starbucks giftcard PLUS each of us are giving away a one month spot for our "In Post" Ads! 
 That's all you gotta do! Be Thankful and link up!


Photobucket

Thursday, November 1, 2012

When Mr. And Mrs Become Roomies

It's November!
That means on the 23rd of this month it marks 16 years that Jeff and I have been married!
That's a looooooong time! After 16 years, you learn a few things.
Those aren't always easy lessons.
Things that people never told me.
 

I am talking about the lessons I've learned in being married for SOOOOO long.
What to do. WHAT NOT TO DO.
And how not to let your marriage fall apart.
Read my story and what I have to say today over at Covered In Grace!


Sunday, September 30, 2012

A Wedding That Rocked My Socks Off

I am usually not a "I just went to a wedding so I will post all my pictures on my blog" 
kind of girl. However, this venue of this wedding was beyond cool for a wedding...
and the bride is one of my oldest friends and favorite people ever.
Plus, look...does she totally rock or what?
Ok, I'm setting aside the fact that there was some gospel R&B all up in the ceremony,
it can still rock, right?
Aren't her shoes Sa-WEEEET? Doesn't get much more Kat Von D-ish than that? Wink.
totally dug the pinwheel theme too.

love my tattoo loving friend xoxo
Trin and I have been friends since she was in 3rd grade, I was in 5th grade.
Thanks to her, I always "went out" with boys 2 years younger than I.
Some how we always managed to share boyfriends and music, even though we 
were so much different. And we still laughed at all the same dumb stuff.


We weren't exactly ALWAYS close, with life driving a wedge in between us. Haha, I'm kidding.
We never really fought, ok, except that one time...She knows the time.
Anyhow, life, marriage, college, blah blah blah...all that shot by us, touching base now and then...
and little would you know years later we would end up bawling our eyes our to each other.
Not because we missed each other, just because we thought we had lame lives. 
Or something like that.

I'm sorry, but I'm coming back to this hotel. Maybe for a vow renewal or something. I'm creeping on 20 years already.
Basically the only person I really knew was my sister. Thanks Jen, for making it look like I had a friend.
 Right after high school, we spent morning, noon and night together for like an entire summer...
Ok, that sounds strange. But we really did. It was so pathetically sad. 
The constant joke was that we had no friends. Once we told her mom about it. 
Her mom goes "You have friends."Trin's reply "Who? Jesus?"
Ok, maybe it was funnier at the time. Probably.



We had a posse at one time. A posse of alternative loving, hardcore rocking,
skateboard riding, grungy wearing cool hipsters with baggy pants.
The only problem was Trin had a secret. 
In her words "You guys were decked out in flannels listening to Nirvana, while I was secretly listening to Tupac and doing drive-bys." THIS is why I love Trin. That's like my favorite quote of all time. She told me to write a quote book, because I'm always jotting down random conversations 
and quotes. Her quote will be in "said" book.

This is what I do at weddings. At least weddings with cool mirrors like this one.
Anyways, I love you Trin. I am so happy for you that you found someone that totally
gets who you are, and is seriously so much like you. I really love it. I'm serious.
I wish you & Eric blessed lives & I know you you'll prove Love
where love 'seems' defenseless.
So thankful God is so merciful and can bring restoration & happiness to us all.

Oh, and thanks for choosing a super sick venue where I can take sweet pics of myself
in the mirror in my down time...
Ok, that totally wasn't me to say sick. I know. Yeah, I did that for you.

Oh, and p.s.s....I'm thinking up a new logo for the super shades stationary club, 
so when you get some free time, I wanna throw some ideas at ya.

Ooops, almost forgot about this one. Can't forget my Smyth photo. wink wink.

Click here to ENTER MY GIVEAWAY at 3 Four And Under
$15 Forever 21 Giftcard & October Ad Space
 
Designed with ♥ by Nudge Media Design